What I Learned ...

It is unwise to load your children into the car the day after a stimulating Thanksgiving holiday and expect them to behave for 6 hours in the car (3 hours each way) in order to visit your grandmother at an assisted living facility, especially if she isn't feeling well and doesn't really feel up to interacting with them.

By the time we were in the car heading home I was alternating between deep anger and absolute despair. My grandma doesn't want to be there, I don't want her to be there, and right now I can't do anything about it. She needs far more care that we could give her at home; my dad even suggested that it was too soon for her to leave the skilled nursing facility where she has been since her stroke last August.

The anger ... I was embarrassed by J-Baby. He whined, he complained, he flopped his body around, he pouted, and pretty much did everything he could to show how unhappy he was with the situation. I am certain that in part he was picking up Grandma's unhappy energy and reflecting it back to all of us, but at that moment I was just angry that he would be so rude to someone that I know he loves.

It takes a very strong person to go against what everyone else expects, including yourself, in order to put the needs of your child first. At ages 9 and 10 I even expect my boys to at times submit their needs for the good of the family. On the right day this visit could have worked, but not on a day when J-Baby was so depleted. I remember the thrill of Thanksgiving and the gathering of family at our home; I worked myself to the point of vomiting each year before we ever sat down for the meal.

My goal for the next several months is to really work at making our home life and out-of-the home life match the developmental needs of the boys. As horrible as yesterday was it was a lesson that I needed to be taught; pushing children past their limits is unpleasant for everyone, children included.

With Joyful Gratitude

Today we express our deepest gratitude ...

... for all of humankind, past and present, for sharing the journey of humanity with us.

... for the loved ones who share our lives.

... for the farmers and others who work to bring us the bounty of food we enjoy daily.

... for those who work to keep us safe.

... for those who bring us art, music, and craft.

... for nature and all it's beauty and bounty.

... for joy and sorrow, and the ability to feel them.

... for everything.

What I Am Trying to Teach Today

We have hosted Thanksgiving all of 3 times in our married/adult life. Once was as vegetarians in 1994 and I am pretty sure it doesn't count as we didn't roast a turkey (or serve any meat at all). We hosted a very big meal in 2007; my mother had recently died and family and friends gathered here. I did everything from scratch, from Grand Marnier orange-cranberry sauce to a gluten-free apple-bacon-cornbread dressing that was perhaps the peak of my holiday cooking career. We roasted our first turkey and we almost set the oven on fire because we used so much butter. I swore I would never cook Thanksgiving dinner again.

Of course, I did; last year we had my father, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law join us for a small feast. The turkey turned out perfectly; indeed the entire meal was delicious. But once again the stress in our home was palpable for days and I repeated my vow not to do it ever again, a vow that I was destined to break. It seems that not cooking simply isn't an option. We have become the anchor in an extended family adrift in brokenness and dysfunction.

I don't handle stress well. That is perhaps an understatement ~ I turn into a raging mess of emotions, fly off the handle repeatedly, get very angry, and contemplate deserting my family to live alone in a small apartment with a dog and a laptop. It's completely surreal; I don't feel or think or act like myself. I think I must be allergic to cortisol, that wonderful stress hormone. Every part of my temperament is magnified and I go from quirky to insane. Trying to hold it in just shifts the effects to my physical body.

If I can't keep my vow not to cook, perhaps I can make a new one: to not get stressed out and become a different person on Thanksgiving. To model the calm that I want my children to feel. To keep it simple (or as simple as I can in a house where one person prefers mashed potatoes and gravy and the other prefers a praline sweet-potato casserole and I have to make both), to do what I can ahead to limit the stress of cooking on the big day, and to forgive myself any imperfections that arise.

Everyday is a day that our children are learning, whether we are presenting main lesson material or not. Indeed, how we live our lives is the biggest main lesson of all. I want my children to see that having people into our home to share a meal with us is a gift, and I can't pass that message on if all they see is the stress that I let build up because I am trying to live up to someone else's idea of perfect. So every time I feel the stress building I am going to stop and remind myself that it can be simple, it doesn't have to be perfect, and that being calm and enjoying the process is as important as the product.

This and That

It's been a rather uneventful day here at the Living Oak Academy (yes, that is our school name). The boys have enjoyed a game of Risk, went mountain biking with Papa and Big Dog, and have shot several rounds of hoops. They discovered that the local radio station has begun playing holiday music and I have heard Feliz Navidad at least twice, including upon waking. There has been lots of reading and Lego building, but all at an easy pace.

I was a bit slow myself, finalizing my Thanksgiving grocery list (we did most of it last night), checking over the finances, reading, and knitting, plus keeping up on housework and laundry. We had a couple of errands to do and I really didn't want to go out ~ I hate shopping on good days and the craziness that fills the stores in the days leading up to Thanksgiving are almost more than I can take. On the one hand I wanted to leave the boys home so that they could escape the chaos, and on the other I wanted to take them with me so that I didn't have to face it alone. I was very tempted to leave it all until Papa comes home, but needed to do a thrift store drop-off (me and a thousand other people, apparently).

The dread that fills me when I contemplate leaving the secure cocoon of my home for the traffic and noise of my errands makes me really stop and think what effect it has on my children. They held up well today, although they got squirrelly at the grocery store, which is par for the course with them when the store is crowded and we need to stay in a single file line.

T-Guy is very helpful when we run errands and truly enjoys going. J-Baby hates going and I can't say I blame him. When the boys were younger I made every effort to not take the boys into stores, and even now I do try to limit how often they go. Target and the like are the absolute worst stores for them, although I think J-Baby ranks Costco as his all-time least favorite store. I heartily agree with him; I wouldn't go to Costco if it wasn't saving me significant money on groceries right now.

We made it through today, and the plus was weighing our apples, onions, yams, and celery (it is priced by the unit but J-Baby wanted to weigh it anyway). The produce section wasn't nearly as crowded as the rest of the store and we weren't in anyone's way; very few people use the scales.

The boys are looking forward to watching NOVA this evening; it is going to be about dreams and J-Baby says he has wanted to know about dreams for a long time. I guess our PBS station decided not to carry it in the usual time slot, as it wasn't on.

Taking the Week Off ...

I still be posting, but we aren't doing focused lesson work this week. The boys are so excited, LOL!

Today we took three rocks that they found while hiking over the weekend, put them in individual glass bowls, and poured vinegar over them. J-Baby thought he had found limestone but T-Guy insisted it wasn't, hence putting it to the acid test. Limestone is so alkaline that it reacts with the acidic vinegar and bubbles away. Sure enough, we have one bubbling rock and two that aren't (quartz and granite).

We bought a new Lego book second hand, LEGO MINDSTORMS NXT: The Mayan Adventure (Technology in Action). Papa opened the package and left the book on the big desk in the family/learning room, and by the time I got up this morning T-Guy had read the first two chapters and was ready to start building.

I need this week off to orchestrate Thanksgiving and to plan our next block, Local Geography. I feel quite prepared to do this in terms of knowing our local geography, but need to do some reading as to how to approach it artistically.

What Do You Mean By Enki/Waldorf?

I get asked this question often; I was actually asked again last night. I'm never exactly sure how to answer it (I know I have tried on the blog in the past). I'm fairly certain that most people aren't interested in the philosophy, so I tend to explain the what and how and see if the questions progress into why.

I often just refer to us as Waldorf homeschoolers, although in reality we follow a more Enki model. I find that most people have never heard of Enki but may have some familiarity with Waldorf. However, we are not anthroposophists. Enki appealed to me from the beginning because it integrated several fantastic models into a new form of education with a different philosophy. Enki brings in developmental-immersion mastery, skills practice, multicultural studies, and a strong focus on sensory integration.

We're rogue Enki homeschoolers, as I chose not to continue with the Enki main group. I think that is one reason I shy away from referring to us as Enki. There weren't many materials available for grade 4 and I found that I wasn't utilizing the phone discussion group. As I have the Grade 1 - 6 Teaching Guide (no longer available) I felt confident that I had sufficient guidance to go it alone. Honestly, this year I just couldn't justify spending the funds on what was available for grade 4. I do at times feel a little lost without the support of a community of peers going through grade 4 with me.

The basics of how are different from mainstream educational practices; block teaching is something that most people haven't heard of, although many of them see the inherent benefit in it once it is explained. An art-based approach is also unusual outside of Waldorf schools. When I explain the three-fold cycle I often get blank stares; I know people can understand it but I'm not very good at explaining it.

For our grade 4 work (have I mentioned how peaceful and right it feels to have returned to our Enki/Waldorf roots?) our subject content is chosen to mirror the developmental stage of the grade 4 child. In grade 4 we study mythology (Norse and Egyptian are what we have chosen this year), fractions, long division, local geography and history, and animals, as well as continuing work in music, art, movement, etc.

When I say Enki/Waldorf I mean that we are following a block lesson model along with developmental-immersion mastery, an arts-approach, and curriculum content chosen for the developmental stage of the child (rather than their skill level). I mean that we are respecting the unfolding nature of the child and not pushing them forward nor holding them back. Our goal is far more than just academic education; it is life education.

Grade 4, Week 12, Day 5 ~ Friday Free Day

I am truly having a Friday Free Day today; the boys and Papa have headed out for an all-guys weekend camping trip with my father-in-law, brother-in-law, and his partner. They'll be at Anza Borrego State Park exploring the desert. One thing I love about where we live is our access to so many different ecological areas ~ desert, coastal, and mountain. Within an hour's drive we can be listening to the ocean, inhaling the scent of pine and fir, or spotting bighorn sheep (borregos) as they climb rocky hills.

Many homeschoolers I know, and parents in general, try to cram their children's lives with as many activities as they possibly can, as if the children must be completely filled by the time they reach adulthood. There are weekly field trips, museum visits, amusement park classes, art classes, music lessons, dance, sports, and more. Some homeschoolers spend so much time in the car going places that they call themselves carschoolers.

Papa and I have chosen to live more simply and allow our children the time and space they need to unfold themselves. It wasn't always like this; we crammed the days full when they were younger, camping at least once a month, going to Disneyland regularly, signing them up for Kindermusik classes and little kid baseball. It wasn't nurturing any of us; the boys were wound up and I was exhausted all the time. So now the camping trips and other activities are spaced out, punctuating rather than dominating our lives. Time after time a field trip opportunity or class is brought to my attention and I have to stop and say, no, that isn't something we need to do. Indeed, we probably need not to do it.